Today (i.e. Sunday) was church anniversary. Woke up late and had stomach upset in the morning. So decided not to go. With valid reasons yes (especially the stomach upset bit), but I guess I didn't want to go for church anniversary too. Felt too guilty, too ashamed to go. How can I celebrate church anni. when I haven't contributed much to it? In the past, yes, especially the bulk of my youth. But now, no.
What exactly is wrong? I still want to read God's Word, talk to Him and value His will. I feel for my brethren in need. But, somehow I feel that I'm not needed and that this church would be close-to picture perfect without me whose aspirations, views, life stage do not fit in. Father, how? I won't move unless You tell me to. Is this part of the waiting? If it be so, please give me water and manna sufficient for each day's provision in this desert till I hear from You.
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